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<meta charset=utf-8><meta name=viewport content="width=device-width,initial-scale=1"><meta name=description content="After a 5-week penance from my Orthodox online community, Oikonomia, I&rsquo;ve learned a lot about myself, the faith, those in it, real values that I can carry with me through life. I intended on not writing these types of autobiographical posts, but this one I feel is worth sharing. This reflection won&rsquo;t cover just the penance, but the events leading up to now.
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"><meta property="og:url" content="https://seraphimrp.srht.site/posts/2020-11-07-a-reflection/"><meta property="og:site_name" content="Seraphim R.P."><meta property="og:image" content="https://seraphimrp.srht.site/img/android-chrome-384x384.png"><meta property="og:image:width" content="384"><meta property="og:image:height" content="384"><meta property="article:published_time" content="2020-11-07 00:00:00 +0000 UTC"></head><body class=nord><div class="container center headings--one-size"><header class=header><div class=header__inner><div class=header__logo><a><div class=logo>Seraphim R.P.</div></a></div><div class=menu-trigger>menu</div></div><nav class=menu><ul class="menu__inner menu__inner--desktop"><li><a href=/>[home]</a></li><li><a href=/about>[about]</a></li><li><a href=/projects>[projects]</a></li><li><a href=/resources>[resources]</a></li><li><a href=/links>[links]</a></li></ul><ul class="menu__inner menu__inner--mobile"><li><a href=/>[home]</a></li><li><a href=/about>[about]</a></li><li><a href=/projects>[projects]</a></li><li><a href=/resources>[resources]</a></li><li><a href=/links>[links]</a></li></ul></nav></header><div class=content><div class=post><h1 class=post-title><a href=https://seraphimrp.srht.site/posts/2020-11-07-a-reflection/>A Reflection</a></h1><div class=post-meta><span class=post-date>2020-11-07</span></div><div class=post-content><div><p>After a 5-week penance from my Orthodox online community, Oikonomia, I&rsquo;ve learned a lot about myself, the faith, those in it, real values that I can carry with me through life. I intended on not writing these types of autobiographical posts, but this one I feel is worth sharing. This reflection won&rsquo;t cover just the penance, but the events leading up to now.</p><h2 id=a-chronology>A Chronology<a href=#a-chronology class=hanchor arialabel=Anchor>&#8983;</a></h2><h3 id=illumination-and-darkness>Illumination and Darkness<a href=#illumination-and-darkness class=hanchor arialabel=Anchor>&#8983;</a></h3><p>In the midst of some of the more intense periods of the pandemic, I was chrismated as an Orthodox Christian under my priest Fr. Gabriel Bilas at St. Mary Magdalene Orthodox Church in Fenton, Michigan. This was on June 17th. After the chrismation service, my godparents invited my priest to lunch during which he said that I was &ldquo;glowing.&rdquo; It&rsquo;s one of the most important days of my life, a direct encounter with the Holy Spirit along with a life confession that provided the greatest internal, spiritual cleanse that I&rsquo;ve ever had. If I could replay the day, I would. Hopefully it&rsquo;s something that I can do if I join the Kingdom.</p><p>Not long after the event, my significant other at the time (who I&rsquo;ll refer to as &ldquo;Q&rdquo;), began having spiritual experiences that I couldn&rsquo;t quite understand. I didn&rsquo;t have any reason to dispute their legitimacy, it was all very sincere and seemed to be sober-minded. While I don&rsquo;t want to divulge into these experiences, I will at least disclose that it involved a direct connection with God on a communicative level. I&rsquo;ve known others who have these abilities, so it wasn&rsquo;t something unknown or unfamiliar to me.</p><p>About a week after these began, she had explained to me that she wanted to discern monasticism, that God had led her to the conclusion. I disputed the idea, seeing as we were a month past our 3rd anniversary. I felt betrayed and confused, as though those 3 years were suddenly vapor. She wanted a month to discern, I remained adamant in my position. As a result, she decided to end the relationship.</p><p>From then, we stopped communicating generally. The wound was too fresh and any encounters led me to depression and frustration. At the same time, I felt isolated and lost. The person I had spent my days with was suddenly out of my life, what was I to do? On July 13th, we resumed communication after I was told through a mutual friend that she had went to the hospital. During the time, I reiterated my feelings about the situation and while she expr
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